The child that angers you the most is the one that most resembles you
“Everything that bothers you about other beings is just a projection of what you have not solved about yourself” -Buda-
It is normal to have discussions and differences of opinion in any family. After all, “each one is as it is”. However, perhaps the person with whom a mother discusses most is precisely one of her children. According to one study, in many cases parents do not accept certain attitudes of their children or try to correct them by seeing themselves in them. This whole situation can lead parents to the edge of lack of control and cause big fights.
Based on the aforementioned study, we will try to explain the reasons why parents may have a more difficult relationship with a particular child.
What is projection?
According to psychology, projection is defined as a defense mechanism adopted by humans. It occurs when a person attributes to other thoughts and attitudes that he or she
cannot tolerate. That is, it is a situation in which one literally projects emotions that cannot accept in oneself on others. This often happens because accepting these emotions would take the individual out of his comfort zone, causing anxiety or stress.
Not taking responsibility for the negative aspects prevents the person from improving and overcoming what causes him so much trouble. However, it is easier for some to transfer those feelings to an external factor than to face reality.
Children imitate parents' behavior
Many of the attitudes adopted by people inherit them from their parents. From childhood, children observe how they act in different situations. Particularly during adolescence, when the personality begins to be defined, the youngest adopt the behavior of their parents, from the way they speak to the way they react. Even the emotional state of the father or mother can affect the psychological development of children.
It is normal for people throughout their lives to look at their past, not feel satisfied with the way they have responded to a difficult situation and want to do everything differently. Then, when these same people become fathers and mothers and see their children make the same mistakes, they automatically feel the desire to correct them to avoid future regrets.
How the situation can be resolved
Above all, it is important that parents try to solve their own problems and only then turn to their children. On the other hand, even those who want to leave the past behind and evolve must understand that children are not mommy or daddy. Children need to make their own decisions and make their own mistakes as part of the personal learning process.
How to learn to accept what bothers you
Do you also discuss more with one child than with another?
Leave us your comment!
Marta Segrelles (2018) What bothers you about the other has to do with you. Official College of Psychologists of Catalonia, Spain.
Marilú Ochoa Méndez (2017) The son who gets you out of control and makes you angry wants to show you something about you. Familias.com